I ran across this article the other day:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

THIS is what is making all us Asian kids nerds. Reading the Wall Street Journal and things like that. Our parents encourage it, and it stops us from going outside and playing sports like normal kids. I think congress should force these companies to restrict sales of these kinds of media to Asian families to force kids like me to go outside more instead of becoming some sort of nerd vampire.

Oh, yeah, and the whole "Asian Mom" thing. You probably shouldn't forget about that.

On Asian Parents

Sorry for the delay in posting, but my parents weren't letting me get on the computer for no apparent reason. Of course, you can already tell where this is going, right? First things first, do you have a mom who nags, yells, or otherwise is just plain annoying? Well then, imagine her getting upset at any random thing, even if it doesn't make sense, and yet still wanting you to spend "family time" with her, and not knowing why you even are annoyed by this.Then you get an Asian parent. Yes, in an Asian family, even your DAD is like this. So much for masculinity. You know, I always get annoyed when all those kung fu movies show Chinese men as super awesome manly men who know karate and can kill you in one punch, because, in real life, Chinese men are more like this. OK, I can't seem to post a picture, but just search Asian nerd man on Google images, an look at the second pic. Asian parents also push you as if not knowing calculus in 7th grade will get you killed, push you to eat strange food, and force you to speak Chinese at home despite the fact that we live in America. I could go on and on about these things, but that's for another post. Another thing about parents like mine is that they are hypocritical to no extreme. My mom is always getting on my case about sitting up, and yells at me all the time for it, even when SHE isn't. She also tells me to be accurate when I tell people how much time I'm gonna spend on the computer, even though, when she goes to the store, she tells me she'll be shopping for 1 min to get some milk and eggs and comes out an hour later with a shopping cart full of items that I have to put in the trunk. Oh yeah, did I not mention the fact that they tend to speak in some garbled mess of Chinese and English. I mean seriously, choose a language already. Finally, they tend to always try to teach you Chinese proverbs that have no absolutely no relation to real life. And, of course, my mom is yelling at me to get off the computer. why does it always seem that what I talk about in my posts happen in real life?

On Asian Food

Okay, if you've been paying attention to my writing style, the first thing you're probably asking is: How can you not like Asian food?! You're telling me that you don't like eating sesame chicken and fried rice and dumplings!? Well, then you've probably never tried AUTHENTIC Asian food. In lieu of the delicious stuff that comes in white boxes from your local Chinese restaurant, we real Asians get pork liver or cow heart,on top of a bowl of rice with a side of some kind of gross vegetable that no one knows the name of. No, I'm not joking. That's what we real Asians eat. You'll never look at your local Chinese place the same again, will you. Now, does anyone else think that Asian food tastes good. I mean, at least tree bark and pig crap that my ancestors ate had vitamins.

Another thing that really sucks about being Asian in that you never get to eat any other types of food. What does a cheeseburger taste like again. All my friends say it tastes like chicken. Is that true? I mean, I'm sure people at THIS school won't make fun of me. I've only been here for 1 month

On Being Asian in School

As a kid who lives in America, I obviously go to school. And, as an Asian, I am constantly tormented there. Well, not at my current school, because the kids there don't openly despise me. But, then again, I'm Asian, and have no social skills whatsoever, so how can I tell? Anyways, back on topic. I think my experience at my old school is a great way to illustrate what a typical school day for an Asian kid is like. Like most kids, I get up sleepily early in the morning and lug myself onto my mom's car. I don't take the bus, because I'm too lazy to walk to the bus stop and because my mom is overprotective. My actual life at school is really dominated by this statement. I'm weird. I'll be the first to admit that. Well not the first. I'm looking at you, Josh Molli, and you, Mrs. Tremmel (My old principal). Yeah, my principal says I'm weird. It's true, but, when your principal says that to you and your parents faces, you know you have a problem. Which is true. I was constantly made fun of until 5th grade, when I managed to be just a little less weird. I still didn't have any friends, but people stopped insulting me. To my face, at least. Now, I've got amazing hearing, which is because I need to be able hear is someone is insulting me behind my back. Have you ever heard the saying, have the strength to say it to my face. Well, the truth with me is that it doesn't matter, because I'm so afraid of getting in trouble (Because of my parents) that I won't actually do anything about it. So yeah. Another thing about being Asian in school is that your parents are so paranoid about your grades that the Asian grade chart is the following.

A- or lower: Unthinkable
A: Low
A+: Normal
A+ & Extra Credit & Perfect scores on out of school tests & Many non-sports related extracurricular: Good

I think Kev Jumba's videos on youtube.com do a great job explaining what it's like to be an Asian teenager

A final thing about being Asian in school is that you suck at sports. As I've mentioned in an earlier, I can't play a sport to save my laptop, which is more important to me than my life. I mean that literally. When I was watching my brother, who is actually coordinated, play soccer, a ball actually hit and broke my laptop. Amazing, right. I always get hit by balls, even when I'm in the audience. I'm dead serious. It's happened many times. And don't even get me started on actually playing sports. To sum up that whole section, which I would probably have to censor more of than the Chinese government's coverage of the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony (See, Asian Humor. Completely lame.) if I wrote it out, let me just say that I curse the person who came up with having PE in school.

I've finally got off my lazy butt and started my own blog. Well actually, I never got out of my chair and never stopped staring at my computer screen, which just shows how Asian I am. Anyways, this blog is all about being a stereotypical Asian kid. For All of you people who don't know what a stereotypical Asian kid is like, first of, god bless you. Secondly, it means that you're good at everything at school, but wouldn't play a sport to save you laptop, which, by the way, is probably more important than your life. It also means that you are socially awkward, look like a geek,  speak English with some sort of grammar problem, know some Chinese, but not enough to actually do anything with it except listen to Asian adults talk about how fat you are of how bad their lives were, and, on a related note, have overprotective parents who drive you insane because they want you to be impossibly good in anything that involves a textbook, nag you to the point where you're ready to throw yourself of a bridge, speak in a incomprehensible accent, won't let you say anything about yourself on the internet (Which is why my birthday according to this blog, is in 1949), don't understand what kids these days or anything in the US in general is like, and embarrass you in public. See, being Asian has it's ups and downs. Okay, mostly downs. I'll be the first to admit that. So, thats the end of my post. See, from being Asian, I'm so socially awkward that I don't even know how to end a blog post, let alone a conversation. Wait a second, maybe THAT'S why I'll never get a date!